prison vs. work
April 20, 2007When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad…
IN PRISON…….You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.
AT WORK……..You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.
IN PRISON…….You get three meals a day.
AT WORK……..You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON…….You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK……..You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
IN PRISON…….A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK……..You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON……..You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK………You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON…….You get your own toilet.
AT WORK……..You have to share.
IN PRISON…….They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK……..You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON…….All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK……..You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON…….You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK……..You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON……There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK…….They are called supervisors.
IN PRISON…….You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK……..You get fired if you get caught.
NOW GET BACK TO WORK!
PENIS FACTS
April 19, 2007THIS IS JUST TO LET YOU KNOW THAT…. 
Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons
Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000
Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons
Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons
Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour
Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour
Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7
Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150
Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches
Average length when erect: 5.1
Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch
Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches
Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)
Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet
Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall
Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start exercising, lose weight.
Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, wheat germ, chicken fingers from Erie dining hall
Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%
Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%
Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%
Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks
Average # of erections per day for a man: 11
Average # of erections during the night: 9
Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours
Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)
Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100
Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm
Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm
In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet. Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste. Dairy products can create a foul taste; the taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest. ACIDIC FRUITS AND ALCOHOL (EXCEPT PROCESSED LIQUORS) GIVE IT A PLEASANT AND SUGARY TASTE. Examples:
oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown, etc. drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun)
Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie (happy thanksgiving!)
Yes, the penis does shrink in cold water
It is common for men to wake up with 'morning wood', a name for an a.m. erection
Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false
SO NOW YOU KNOW..hehehehehehe
101 Things Not to Say During Sex
April 18, 2007- Is that smell coming from you?
- You're so much like your sister….
- Your mom's cute.
- What's your name again?
- Do i have to be here in the morning?
- But everybody looks funny naked!
- You woke me up for that?
- Did I mention the video camera?
- Do you smell something burning?
- A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
- Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
- Can you please pass me the remote control?
- Do you accept Visa?
- On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
- And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
- (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
- Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober…
- Do you get any premium movie channels?
- Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
- Got any penicillin?
- But I just brushed my teeth…
- I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
- So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
- Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
- I think you have it on backwards.
- When is this supposed to feel good?
- Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
- You're good enough to do this for a living!
- Is that blood on the headboard?
- Did I remember to take my pill?
- Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
- I wish we got the Playboy channel…
- I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
- Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
- No, really… I do this part better myself!
- It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
- This would be more fun with a few more people..
- Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
- Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
- You look younger than you feel.
- Perhaps you're just out of practice.
- You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
- They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
- Now I know why he/she dumped you…
- Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
- You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
- What tampon?
- Have you ever considered liposuction?
- And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
- What are you planning to make for breakfast?
- I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
- Are those real or am I just behind the times?
- Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
- Is that a hanging sculpture?
- You'll still vote for me, won't you?
- Did I mention my transsexual operation?
- I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
- Did you come yet, dear?
- I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about…
- A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
- Does this count as a date?
- Hic! I need another beer for this please.
- I think biting is romantic- don't you?
- Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like…
Woman: Yourself? - Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?
- Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.
- Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.
- Sorry but I don't do toes!
- You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
- Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
- I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer".
- So that's why they call you MR. Flash!
- Is this a sin too?
- Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
- Long kisses clog my sinuses…
- Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise…
- How long do you plan to be "almost there"?
- You mean you're NOT my blind date?
- Is it in?
- That's it?
- You've got to be kidding me.
- (phone rings) hello? oh nothing and you?
- Do i have to pay for this?
- Do i have to call you tomorrow?
- Oh momma, momma!
- Oh dadda, dadda!
- You look better in the dark. 11)i thought that goes in the other hole….
- Don't tell my husband/wife.
- You have the same bra my mom does (worse if the girl says it).
- This sucks.
- Can you finish now? i have a meeting…
- I hope you don't expect a raise for this…
- I think you might get the job for this.
- Damn! is that all you know what to do.
- Did I tell you, i have herpes?
- Hurry up, the games about to start.
- zzzzzzzzzzzz.
- Are you trying to be funny?
- Can i have a ride home after this?
- By the way, i want to break up.
- Haven't you ever done this before?
- Wow!! i've never seen those before (then grope wildly).
- Do you know what some female spiders do after sex?
- A second time? i barely stayed awake the first time!
- You're about as good as a 9 year old, and i should know!!
- Can we order a pizza?
- I think my dad is listening at the door.
- Smile for the camera, honey!!!
- Take off that damn monkey glove!!
- Get your hand out of there!!
- I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.
- I knew you wore a padded bra!!
vacation
April 15, 2007
So i took my friends offer…i really did a 3 day vacation last holyweek. i also brought along my family and another close friend, but not at batayan island. It was overcrowded there as i heard so we decided not to go. we settled and stopped at San Remegio instead, north side of Cebu still going to Bantayan island..Still a very cool place. We already had a place to live in since its my wife's home town and the beach??? WAY COOLER !!! still looks the same as Bantayan island, same white sandy beach and the good thing is..it wasnt too crowded. for 3 days, aside from feeling sorry of the sinzzz i made ..we went to 2 beach resorts there at san rem..one was called Warren's where we did some deeping in there not too large pool and the other one named San Remegio beach club (inlay picture ) located quite far from San Remegio proper ..the food was great too..all sea foods and grilled. didnt feel or mind any tummy aches since i enjoyed most of it…..so to end this, all was worth it..now im here again in my painful chair at work and back to the normal stuff….hoping i can do another summer vacation again…and i also still need to check if the salary increase the company mentioned went in…hehehehehehehe…stop the talk!!….BACK TO WORK!! @#%&*\#%!!!
my prison break update
April 5, 2007
in episode 20: Some poor Mexican hooker — dead!
Panama - Three guesses as to which unidextrous nut job killed her and the first two don't count. Meanwhile, the Fibbies miss catching Michael, but they get a small measure of satisfaction out of bagging his girlfriend.
in episode 21: Yet ANOTHER hooker — dead!
Fin Del Camino - T-Bag may or may not have killed her — but he is responsible for leading Michael directly into a trap set by the One World Conspiracy.
in episode 22: Sona
Sona - A thumbnail sketch of the episode to hold you until the recap goes live.
season 2 ended with 22 episodes total the same as season 1,..then comes season 3 which Series creator Paul Scheuring has commented that Season 3 will consist of most of the original cast with new additions and that the overall theme will be "redemption". The plot will continue from the second season finale, where most of the main characters have ended up in Panama. Although the conspiracy storyline has not finished, the third season's plot will be "as different in tone as Season 2 was from Season 1".
you might be asking where the hell did i get this info about season 3….i google searched it dumbass..harharharharhar..
..
btw, no probs about the link ex.